


Understood

by YKWencest



Category: Tegan and Sara (Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-02
Updated: 2016-05-02
Packaged: 2018-06-05 20:43:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6722668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YKWencest/pseuds/YKWencest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the year of 1897, Sara writes a letter of confession to her twin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Understood

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, sorry for those that want more Aunt Mama. I only have three parts at the moment. I'll keep coming back to it, though, so don't worry. In the meantime, here's another oneshot of mine. Hope you all enjoy.

Dearest Tegan,

I pray you do not have any gentlemen suitors this fine evening. I must confess, I hold a dark, and terrible secret. For years now, I've been in love. Yes, I can see the look on your face right now, surely laughing at me for calling love such a thing. But it is the type of love that makes it dark and terrible. You see, Tegan, my sister, I am in love, yes, but... with another woman. Preposterous, I know, your sister, your very own twin, cannot be such a deviant, such a foul abomination, but it is true. And it is even darker and more terrible than that. The woman I love, and I know you will surely hate me after you finish this letter, is you, Tegan. My dearest, sweetest sister. I shudder to think how much you may hate me now, but I can no longer hold it in. Your smile, the angels envy such a beauty. Your radiance, even the sun couldn't be brighter. I'm so sorry, Tegan, I know this is not something you wanted to learn of me, but it is true. Maybe, in some sick, perverse world, I could court you, and we could live happily. But sadly, there is no such place. I know you must hate me now, but believe me when I say that all I care for, is your happiness and healthiness. Please do not refrain from writing me back because of this terrible news. I hope to hear from you soon.

\- Love, Sara  
*

Sara Quin shook. What was she doing? What had she done? She had walked down the hallway, starting from her room, normal. Everyone did that. She stopped at her sister’s door. She bent down, placing a closed envelope underneath the crack of the door and pushed it through. She stood then, rapping on the door just as she had done many times before.

For years they had done this now, writing letters to one another and slipping them to the other in secret. It was their so called secret language. Many twins, according to most others, would create a way of communicating with one another that those from the outside would not understand. This was theirs.

But oh, she had done it now.

“Sara, you twit,” she scolded herself as she sat in front of her mirror. “Tegan hates you now. You’re dead to her.”

Why couldn’t she just be a normal person? She would even settle for being a ‘normal’ deviant. At least then, there would be other deviants like her, and they would accept her into their sick little world. But no, she had to push past that, into a realm that no one had ever traveled before.

“What will other people do if they find out? What would they think? What would mother and father think of me now?” she asked her reflection, picking up her brush. She had no real intention of brushing her hair, she just wanted the comfort of normalcy. “What will Tegan think of me?”

Would Tegan tell? Would she run to their parents and have them shun their youngest daughter? Would she come to talk, and make Sara see the error of her ways? Or would she just ignore Sara from now on, pretending that she was an only child instead of having a twin sister that was in love with her?

She looked out the window, the moonlight bright on the lawn. It was late, she knew. She had heard her parents retire off to bed, and she had a feeling that Tegan had, as well. Maybe her twin had read the letter already. Maybe she just didn’t want to respond.

“She’s not going to contact you now, Sara,” Sara told herself. “It’s much too late, and you should be in bed, as everyone else is.”

*

Early morning. The birds sang, oh how they sang their beautiful music. Sara awoke with a smile. She loved the sounds of waking. She loved stretching in her bed as the birds serenaded her with their songs. If only life were allowed to continue on so peacefully.

 _The birds would not sing to you if they understood what you were_ , she told herself as she rose from her bed. She walked over to her mirror, picking up the hairbrush once again.

“Good morning, Sara,” she said to her reflection as she began to brush her hair. “Do you know what today is?”

Sara nodded to herself. “Yes, I know,” she answered. “I’ve ruined my life, and forced an unfavorable image of myself unto my sister.”

“Do you think you will hear from her today?”

“I’m not sure,” she began. “Tegan usually leaves me a good morning message before I wake, and I haven’t…”

Just as she mentioned her sister’s habit, she heard the knock. Sara smiled to herself despite her fears. Tegan at least wanted to leave her one more message. She put the brush down and raised from her seat, rushing over to her door to find the envelope from her twin.

“Tegan,” she whispered, picking up the letter.

Understood, it read.

Understood? Understood? That was all Tegan had to say? She couldn’t even find it in herself to write something else? Had Sara sickened her that much? Sara stomped over to her mirror once more, throwing herself onto the seat.

“Understood, she says,” she complained, continuing to brush her hair from where she had left off. “I pour my heart and soul out to the girl, and what does she say? Understood.”

“What do you think it means?” she asked the mirror.

“Regardless of what the meaning is, Tegan will hear from me,” Sara shook her head angrily. “I will confront her, and force more of an answer out of her.”

*

Once she had dressed, she padded to Tegan’s room. She tried to keep a level temper, but she knew some of her anger seeped out in the knock on the door. She knew it was louder than normal. She tried to calm herself. She didn’t want to attract others by raising her voice.

“Hello?” Tegan asked, answering her door.

“May I speak to you?” Sara asked, her tone clipped.

“Certainly,” Tegan replied, stepping to the side.

“Understood?” Sara bit, her anger getting the better of her once the door was shut. “I write you that letter last night, and all you have to say to me is, understood?”

“Yes,” Tegan answered quietly, walking over to her mirror.

“Tegan, I am serious about everything I said in that letter,” Sara said.

“I know,” the older girl replied. “You wouldn’t have written me if you weren’t.”

“Then can you please treat this as a serious matter?” Sara stressed. “I’m still your sister. I’m still your twin.”

“I never said you weren’t,” Tegan countered, standing up once more and facing Sara. “I read what you wrote for me, and I replied.”

“With one word.”

“Yes.”

“Stop that!”

“Keep your voice down, Sara,” Tegan scolded quietly. “I’m sorry my letter, or lack thereof, upset you, but I didn’t know what else to say.”

“Do you hate me? Do you still love me as your sister? Do you love me in that forbidden way that I love you?” Sara asked.

“I don’t think I can say one type of love without the other, Sara,” Tegan confessed, a timid smile gracing her lips. “I’m sure you can’t, either.”

“No,” Sara replied, shaking her head with her own smile in place. “The two loves are the same for me.”

“Then there you are,” Tegan replied.

“Are you… Are you saying the things I think you are?” Sara asked quietly. “Are you saying you feel the same way?”

“Can I tell you something about myself?” Tegan asked, answering Sara’s question with one of her own.

“Yes,” Sara nodded.

“When we were younger, I heard whispers from others. They said that twins were two halves of the same whole, and that some even believed that they were lovers in a previous time. They said that the love between the two was so great, that they refused to have to be separate from one another ever again, and instead chose to come back as twins,” Tegan informed.

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that we are those two, Sara,” Tegan smiled. “You and I loved each other so much that we had to make sure we could find each other again. And I still love you, if you’ll still have me that is.”

“Of course, Tegan,” Sara replied, her eyes stinging with tears. She was so relived. This was the response she had awaited, and not expected. She could die from such unfiltered joy. “I… I’m so happy.”

“As am I,” Tegan giggled.

Sara thought she may have exaggerated in that letter, but no, what she said was true. Even the angels above would be envious of the beauty held within her sister’s smile. Maybe Tegan was an angel. Maybe that was where all of this unrivaled perfection had come from.

“Your letter was wonderful,” Tegan announced. She had moved over to her bedside table and retrieved the letter. “But also risky.”

“Yes,” Sara nodded quietly. “I was a bit foolish in writing it.”

“No worries,” Tegan replied. “We’ll just have to be more careful from now on.”

“What do you mean?” Sara asked.

“Everyone knows about our letter writing habit. Mother has seen them lying around our rooms,” Tegan explained. “If we are to become what we once were, then we must take caution.”

“How do you propose we do that?” Sara questioned.

“Well, we are seventeen,” Tegan started. “Mother and father are surely waiting for us to marry. We can use that to our advantage.”

“You mean pretend to be each other’s suitors?” Sara concluded.

“Yes,” Tegan smiled. “Instead of signing letters declaring our love with our names, we will use the names of our fictitious lovers.”

“What names shall we use?” Sara asked.

“I will use the name Rob,” Tegan replied.

“Okay,” Sara nodded, thinking to herself for a moment. “I will sign my letters as Jeremy.”

“Then it’s settled,” Tegan smiled, walking over to her dresser and opening one of the drawers. “For now I’ll place this with my unmentionables. No one will dare to riffle through them, so it should be safe there.”

Sara bit her lip nervously, watching as Tegan hid the letter. _Naughty girl, Sara_ , she told herself. _Turn away._ She did such, wishing to be a proper lady and give her twin privacy.

“Oh, such a lady,” Tegan joked as she turned back to her sister. “You may look again.”

“Tegan,” Sara smiled, her cheeks stained with red at her idea. “may I ask you a question?”

“Please.”

“Do you think that I… and please don’t think rash of me,” Sara began softly. “Do you think that I might be allowed to… to hold your hand?”

“Why, Sara, I had no idea you were one to hold hands,” Tegan teased.

“Yes, well… I’ve only ever wanted to hold yours,” Sara replied, ducking her head.

“And I, you,” Tegan offered. “You may.”

Sara lifted her gaze slowly, taking her first timid step toward her twin. Hand holding. That was something Sara had heard her friends talk about before. They said it was the most magical experience one could share with a man.

“Tegan,” their mother interrupted, knocking on Tegan’s door from the outside. “Breakfast is ready, dear.”

“Be right there, mother,” Tegan answered, waiting a moment to ensure she and Sara were alone again. “We’ll have to postpone this until further notice.”

“Understood,” Sara joked, following her twin into the hallway.


End file.
